What did you, as an individual, let go of to further the greater good this year?
sacrifice [GROW]: This post is part of Weverb12
I’m very tempted to say “time” again, but that would be boring, so I’ll say what I tried to do and which I hope to do more of which is “bite my tongue” aka “don’t rise to the bait” aka STFU.
I used to think it was important to put my point across. I learnt that with one’s extended social circle this is not true. Most people really are too dim-witted. It is actually a waste of breath. It is more effective to walk away and if possible roll eyes in private or, if not, roll eyes there and then but still walk away. Smirking is allowed in both cases. Come on. Sometimes one even gets one’s point across while doing that. Sometimes silence and retreat makes people wonder what was wrong with what they just said and, maybe they will figure it out for themselves. If trapped by say dinner table or being on a boat, go with “hmmm”. Don’t attempt to argue beyond the intelligence of random people. Do not expect random people to have read anything. Etc.
I must have done this somewhat effectively because rude guy at New Year’s party actually asked why I wasn’t arguing with anyone on Facebook anymore. I was so tempted to say “Because you’re all morons” but I gave him a collected “I don’t have the time.” He persisted though. He was/is very annoying.
However, smiling serenely in not-so-polite society was not my big contribution to the greater good in 2012, because I already started doing it in 2011. Rather, I felt I needed to apply some of these techniques to my relationship with V.
Not because I think he’s a dimwit. But because I think he shoots his mouth off at me to let off stress. One of the epiphanies I had recently was that given that he is stressed out at work, I need to pick and choose what I go to battle with him on. This should be obvious I know. You can roll your eyes at me.
I’m pretty sure I haven’t and probably never will reach the saintly heights of ignoring him when he is picking on me personally (partly because I realised I have been internalising his messages and it’s fucking me up) but if he is doing something minor that I find fault with, I shouldn’t be pointing it out. If I’m honest, a big reason I point out his flaws is because he’s so quick to point out mine. But apart from that making me a bitch, this is not the time to be doing tit-for-tat. I also caught myself ranting at him in reaction to some bigoted statement he made which I knew he doesn’t believe (because all his actions are the opposite of it) but just wants to piss me off and/or release stress by talking nonsense. If it’s the former, I’m better off ignoring him and if it’s the latter, I need to let it go for now.
This was one of my resolutions last year and I made some progress on it. But I need to do better in the coming months. In the immortal words of Bridget Jones: Inner Poise.
Bwahahahaha @ “bite my tongue” aka “don’t rise to the bait” aka STFU.
As someone who does ONLY this, and a little too much, to the point of being a doormat in the interest of maintaining poise and peace and the like — can you pass on some of the tendency to shoot-your-mouth-off and put-your-point-across my way? I think I could do with a lot of it..
And by does only THIS — I meant I tend to STFU rather than speak up, more often than not. And the few times I voice my opinion I feel like David having overcome Goliath.
ya ti cam be taken as doormat, but i think thats the tough part–which i am learning to do–there are times to speak up.
We need to exchange social personas. Like switch just half a gene, then we’ll be set.
Yeah no.. swap, of sorts..
The funny thing is, not speaking up has gotten me in horrid situations on more than one occasion, and each time i say, this ends now. But of course, it doesnt.
hee yeah i have noticed myself doing this icnreasingly lately–i just refuse to engage with people unless i think they are capable of self awareness and rational debate. it’s
AWESOME. and all these children i hang out with get so upset–WHY WONT YOU TAKE A SIDE!!?!?! because both are stupid darling, i’ll stay here and read a book thanks.
Exactly. Only I have stopped taking books to social occasions. Or rather taking them out. Wouldn’t that be a priceless response – yawn, remove book and start reading.
Hahaha at one of the weddings I was just at in Blr, I met up with a friend from college, and we went together. SHes half-german. And knowing what our unnecessarily long weddings are like, she asked me in the politest, sweetest way, before we left “Would it be too rude to carry my book along?”
She should have totally gone with the (half)foreigner advantage and taken the book.
hee i am famous for sitting in dingy bars and reading book by candlelight. or at loud sportsbars with IPL blaring and me with nose in book.
alas the bookreading is only metaphorical in these cases of refusal to engage.
but said friend should definitely have read book!
but thats a great resolution and admiring the fact that you have succeeded in it even if you think partially
Its better most times to just be silent and let the other person think he/she has teh final word…at least better than arguing out and then realising what a waste of time it was!
Ok, I’ll be honest and admit only very partially. Yeah, and the final word, though very satisfying at the time is often in retrospect not worth the effort.
I have just begun reading your blog but really like it for its honesty and simplicity, I guess I’m trying to pratcise a few similar things in my marriage so find it surprising that there are other people as well who have similar issues, but enjoyed reading your post and looking forward to the next.
The more I look around, the more common I find these issues are, particularly when kids are involved. With kids, a couple really needs to cooperate and it brings a lot of issues into focus.