I watched the Miss Universe contest (apparently a rerun but I didn’t know it at the time) yesterday. I was vaguely ashamed because I know the eschew movies and fashion magazines do we? At least most of us don’t) and more importantly, because it has got cheesier over the years, or maybe I just got older.

However, there is nothing else to watch on Tuesday night post-Seinfeld. So for once I took charge of the remote, or at least yelled loudly when V attempted a channel change, and he actually listened to me which meant that he wasn’t entirely anti-watching it himself.

The first thing that struck me was that the swimsuit round was like porn. The girls were wearing leopard skin bikinis, their breats were huge and on display and they were gyrating on the ground in the clips of the photo shoot with the odd gold chain (kind of S&M but not quite) around their upper body and the final shot was so like the playboy stills only they had their tops on. And then when the 15 girls who made it to round whatever came on stage and walked the ramp, the other girls were made to dance in these boxes piled one on top of the other which again reminded me of the cage routine in porn videos.

Anyway it was in Mexico and I don’t know – maybe that had something with the whole choreography being so hot and sizzling. Mexico is very beautiful though – I want to go.

I agree with Pri (sorry if you’re reading, I don’t know how to link you) – Zoolander is the word for Miss India. Have not watched the Miss India contest for so long that had no idea who this chick was but she could not walk the ramp and did indeed do a final sad attempt at looking seductive for the camera. Also, make-up can really do wonders because in many of the other shots she looked like a perfectly average pretty Indian girl. Not sure whether her teeth are odd or endearing. She’s better than Yukta Mookhey though.

The weird thing about these contests is that all the girls seem to have the same kind of beauty. This time it was pointy but impish faces with sharp noses and wide set eyes. It’s the kind of thing I generally think is hot so was good because I could properly admire everyone instead of going yech at their 80s evening gowns. However, we were rooting for Korea and Japan just because we have become so attuned to thinking of (i am going to say it because I mean it in the best way possible) chinky women as the most beautiful (or always did, I think). Unfortunately Korea killed her chances by not sticking to the Mother Theresa/Eradicate Poverty answer when asked what superpower she would like to have.

Then during the final round, we could hear what sounded like the crowd booing Miss USA. Well V was the one who spotted this – I thought they were cheering. When I finally conceded they were booing I actually thought it was because of some political angst against the US. Only I find out this morning it was because she had actually fallen while walking the ramp and they had still brought her through to the next round.


What I am most agitated about is – WHY DID STAR WORLD CUT OUT THAT BIT? This is censorship at it’s most insiduous. I mean – wasn’t that the best part of the show? And when they were walking down that shiny ramp I was indeed thinking – what if one of them falls? AND ONE OF THEM DID. AND I WATHCED THE WHOLE SHOW – including the stupid songs – AND I MISSED THAT.

Something is not right in the state of ummm