1) V
2) The new ipod nano he bought me.

I know I’m a shameless slut for proclaiming love for a man because he bought me at gadget but you have to listen to the whole story first…

So last evening I was sitting on the couch waiting for Seinfeld on the rare occasion of having arrived home before V and gobbled up my dinner at the requisite an-hour-before-gym, when I decided I needed chocolate. This happens pretty often – I resist the urge to buy chocolate, lamely convincing myself that I can hold out without any chemical endorphins at all and then at the last hour I get terribly angsty and start pacing about the house in my underwear owing to which (the fact that I am sitting around in underwear) and also the floor my apartment is on (which makes going all the way down to get anything a long trip) I cannot go down and get any myself.

So I hastily call V and demand that he buy chocolate. He refuses (we are trying to lose weight and V cannot have a bar of chocolate in the house without consuming it in its entirety) but then concedes and asks me what I want. So I rattle of a few names and then Seinfeld begins.

Anyway V comes in and I am like a spaniel – sitting there with my ears cocked and a happy/hopeful look on my face. When V throws a pack of something at me and says “here try this.” It’s chewing gum. Not exciting looking gum even. The usual Wriggley’s flat one only made in Japan with brown wrapping. Brown. And that apart – it’s GUM. Not chocolate. GUM. I hate gum. After one minute exactly of it being in my mouth, my whole body begins to feel on edge and I want to kill someone. It usually ends in a fight.

In this case, the fight started even before the gum chewing began. Just the sight of the gum and the brazenness of V to think he knew better than my specific instructions got to me. I began to yell – with not a few fuck-this-and-that thrown in. I shouted for about five minutes flat. “Who do you think you are?” “Are you brain dead?” “What part of milk chocolate don’t you understand?” I flung one of the gums to the floor and it slid across the room and went under the wall unit (where it still remains).

It was a total tantrum. I’ve never really been much of a tantrum person but in the past year, I’ve had many. Then I calmed down and concentrated on the telly.

After five minutes V pipes up: “Choose between M, C, I and A.” “Shut up,” I say feverishly focussing on whatever-comes-after-Seinfeld and suppressing a new rant that is welling up. “No choose choose choose,” says V. So to shut him up I choose: “M and C.”

He hands me one bar of milk chocolate and one bar of dark chocolate.

“If you had chosen I and A you would have got this…” He removes from his bag one box of chocolate-covered almonds and one ipod nano.

Despite my awful screaming, I got the ipod nano. Not only is it an ipod nano – which I have been craving for the past two years – it is also pink in colour. It is perfect. Needless to say, I am V’s slave for the next couple of days.

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