So. Panic.
V has a dental problem and because any kind of surgical procedure is so frikkin expensive in Hong Kong – and because I wholeheartedly do not trust any medical practioner here – he is considering going to India for it. It’s actually cheaper to fly to India, do a surgery and fly back, than have it done Hong Kong and at least you know the surgeon. But I think probably as important as the cost saving is that you have a legitimate excuse (to yourself) to go back to India.
Except I don’t. Because I don’t have a frikkin dental problem. Actually I do. Have multiple dental problems, that is. But since I have consistently ignored them for so long, what’s a little longer. It doesn’t warrant a trip to India specifically.
What’s the panic then? Well, the most logical time for V to go to India would be during Chinese New Year which is when he already has two days of holiday in the week, which means only taking a couple of days leave. But this is when I also have four days of leave in a row and I think I would DIE if I had to hang around here without work, at home sans V.
Yes, you say, is your life tied to V? How lame is that? Yes and no. I wouldn’t mind if V left and someone else – say my mom, or a friend – turned up. But hanging out alone is such a WASTE of four days. I had this problem in Hyderabad also. I could hang around doing the ocassional movie and drinks, but if I was in Bombay, for example, I could do so much MORE.
And I was in college then. I now have only ten days leave a YEAR and I don’t get most public holidays. So the thought of spending these alone, meeting the ocassional friend is depressing.
The other issue is that while I do have plenty of options to hang out with in Hong Kong, none are sufficiently close for me to hang out with the whole day. They are not sufficiently close partly because I don’t want them to be. This got me thinking about friendship.
It is very tempting to be friends with people just because you need someone to hang out with when you’re lonely. Or do most friendships start out this way and you end up liking the people later. It’s true that I am great friends with a couple of people I never thought I would be great friends with even in India – just out of situation. But largely my close friends are a CERTAIN kind of person and I have not found that kind of person in Hong Kong. The crazy, wild (intellectually) people in Hong Kong tend to tip over the edge of emotionally unstable. Maybe it’s convenient for me to be choosy because I have V to hang out with most of the time. But I’ve also become more antisocial, which is my natural self.
Friends are only one part of the problem. As someone kindly pointed out – what’s wrong with staying home alone? Nothing. Except it’s boring and depressing. Or rather, it could be fun for ONE day but it’s a waste of FOUR days, which I expected to be so much more. And to think I was telling V tht the two of us staying in Hong Kong for CNY was a waste, I wanted to go somewhere though tickets are bloody expensive.
I do acknowledge that I have a problem with aloneness. I never used to be this way. But then, maybe I was never confronted with being really and truly alone until I went to Hyderabad. Since then, I am petrified of it. I avoid it at all costs. I am getting better at it because I am alone a lot when V is travelling on business.
The question I’m asking is – how many people are really and truly happy to be alone for not one, not two but THREE or FOUR days in a row?