Whenever I go to universities I am struck by longing. I miss the freedom of those days – where the only stress was assignments (generally a piece of cake) and the ocassional exam. More I miss the freedom to think, to just experiment with ideas without always having to tone it down to cater to the mass. When I’m in university, I am frustrated by the ivory tower in which intellectuals seem to live, at some level I feel like university life is a cop-out of real life and cannot be extended forever. But while literature tends to be largely couched in ideas, other departments do seem to do research that impinge on real life. Every few years, I get fed up of my job and want to go back to school. Maybe this is what this is – or maybe it’s more. Maybe I’ve finally made my peace with the idea that academia is not lame and offers its own rewards (and of course its own petty politics to contend with). Now I just have to convince the husband that I should throw away my seemingly stable salary and postpone real life indefinitely in the pursuit of ‘research’. And of course, find some university willing to take me on (for free or even pay me something) in the pursuit of such research.
* * *
I presented nine ideas to my boss and got about five of them okayed. So why am I not dying of happiness?
* * *
Despite attempts to cop-out, went to friend’s birthday drinks. It was fun-ish. E is the kind of bright, over-enthusiastic person that I seem to gravitate to because I am bright even if I’m not over-enthusiastic. Her friends are numerous and cool. Had a couple of interesting conversations though I’m not much of a mingler. I would love to hang out with them except I cannot summon up the energy to be sufficiently over-enthusiastic, or white.
* * *
Apparently, V’s boss is putting pressure on him to go to India for a couple of months. To think that I was happy when India was assigned to him to oversee. How wonderful this would be if I didn’t have a job and could just GO HOME (clearly attempts to persuage self that I would rather be in HK than Bbay are swiftly receding). Unfortunately, V is a feminist too and is not going for the quit and follow him option. I know some of you are going to say this is a wonderful opportunity for me to face my self blah blah but I’m not buying it. Now, if he is indeed planning on going, who would like to move to HK as a ‘companion’ for a few weeks? I’ll show you a good time, I promise.