It’s been a week. Sort of. I did pretty well. Sort of.
All week I waited for the weekend. Now that the weekend is here I am anticipating the next day.
I am unable to live in the moment. Actually that’s not true. I am able to live in the moment when I am at peace with the moment. Which doesn’t happen that often these days but contrary to popular belief it sometimes does.
I thought I was doing quite well with the aloneness. Until today. When I got home, put on Dirty Dancing to cheer me up and ended up with tears running down my face. To be fair the song said ‘are you crying’ or something like that but I don’t think one is actually meant to be. Crying that is. It’s supposed to be a feel good film.
Baby reminds me of me myself… when I was young and never thought I was innocent and when I met a rough boy who could dance. But my first love then fused to my current one and I became nostalgic for the way we were, when we moved like that.
And to think just this morning I was giving V a lecture on how HK is a better city ot be lonely in. I still think so. I would be going madder if I was back in, say, Hyd. Or even Bangalore. Could I walk out of my empty flat and roam the streets alone with only a care in the world if I weren’t here, the safest of all places. Could I sleep at night, albeit badly, safe in the knowledge that I am safe? Would I be able to tire myself out so thoroughly that I might have a good night?