The Episode: Season 1, Episode 3
The question: Is there a cold war between married and single people? Do married people see single people as the enemy? (haha, apt ain’t it, after the last post)
And the answer is hmmm.
When you get married, you do, as Carrie says, change sides. No matter how much I wanted to be the cool married person who could hang out with hip young single things – sort of like wanting to be the girl guys feel comfortable hanging out with – I realised slowly that I was different. Or more accurately, I was NOW different.
Without knowing it that stage of my life – The Hunt – was over. That is not to say that single people are always ‘desperate’, but I do believe they are always looking, and the older they get the more openly that happens. (Well, most people at least. There are some people who are compltely and truly happy with the single state but as much as every single person would like to proclaim they are that person, their roving eyes give them away).
The first sign is that you stop wanting to go out on weekdays. You want to come home, curl up on the couch, and you end up going to bed earlier. At least one day of the weekend is spent doing nothing but hanging out at home (granted that their are single people who do this last one. It’s just me who cannot stay home alone when I’m minus the other half so this point might be just relevant to me). You stop wanting to stay out late partying, or even go out partying (and to even my surprise this has happened to V too, one of his older colleagues remarked that he had it’s because he had ‘stopped hunting’.
I’m beginning to realise that my life is different from other women’s because I am married. Not because I have more work – if anything I have less because I have someone to share the work with – but because I no longer feel the need to be on the go. I am no longer restless.
While marriage certainly involves its own labour of love, as was pointed out in the episode, it makes life a lot easier in a society that is geared towards coupledom as the ultimate goal (well, childbearing really but we’ll come to that at another time). For one, moving to another country and getting a dependent visa is easier, getting insurance and add-on cards is easier. Ok I can’t think of anything else. I don’t think I ever got invited anywhere because I was married, in fact I think I get left out of a lot of things because I’m married since many of my close friends are single women and they want to do flirty, girls nights on the town.
Given the last post, I know that I’m going to get put down as a Smug Married. And quite possibly that’s what I am. Hopefully, I don’t sound like it anywhere except this blog. I fully appreciate people who are happy being single but I am surrounded by women who want to find that special someone. And I’ve found it. It’s honestly a very lucky feeling.
Quite to my surprise – considering I never wanted to be married and was sure it would be the most stifling thing ever – I find that I enjoy marriage. It scares me how much because it means I will be distraught if it doesn’t work out. I enjoy the ease of coming home to someone, of having someone to stand with at parties if you really can’t find anyone to talk to, of knowing that if you’re really ill, someone’s there to run down and buy that medicine (granted that most men really don’t get how to take care of women when they’re ill). Apart from these benefits, I actually like the person I’m married to so it’s not just the state but the relationship (though you can have that with a roommate you get along with really well with too).
According to Carrie, married people don’t hate single people. It’s fear of the unknown. They just want to figure them out. I disagree. I am not so far gone that I don’t remember what it was like to be single. Thankfully, I am not one of those people who feels the need to fix up my friends.
As for the idea that married women fear single women because they might steal away their husbands, I won’t go there. I do feel a bit of that when I’m the odd one out at married gatherings because my husband is away. Only sometimes though. I hope I don’t project that but I who knows? It helps that I don’t consider any of my single friends a threat because I pretty much know they’re not V’s type (or so I think).
A final thought. I love going out with my girlfriends in India whether they are single or in a relationship. It’s because we just have such a great time. So maybe my whole last post was relevant only to Hong Kong, which anyway seems to heighten the single ready-to-mingle state.
Quote of the episode: He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY bag. You know it’s not your style but it’s right there so you try it on anyway.