Tattoo done I realised I could not put of The Voyage of Self Discovery any longer. Perhaps it was fitting that it be undertaken in an upstairs cafe in one of the most crowded urban parts of Hong Kong instead of any idyllic island because who am I kidding – I’m a city girl.
Unfortunately, I realised I had forgotten my notebook and pen. This was probably a first step in my insight into myself. I am disorganised and it is not always charming. It’s begin to annoy even me. I remember being appalled when one of the things V early on said irritates him about me is me fishing in my bag endlessly for my keys. I was surprised because I thought he would find this endearing. I realised a few days ago that most of my friends are also varying in disorganisation. I don’t really have a Monica friend. So I never showed up as quite so bad. Hmmm.
Anyway, I hunted down a stationary shop and bought the cheapest notebook (recycled paper to lend it that element of cool) and pen (purple ink) I could find and armed with this, stepped into one of the upstairs cafes I’ve always wanted to go to. Serendipitously, I got a seat overlooking the street and tucked way enough to not feel odd alone – not like anyone cared, there were other lone scribblers there too – and I began writing.
Quite quickly I realised the two issues I kept skirting were my job and my inability to trust people in general and V in particular. I scribbled and scribbled and indulged completely my fondness for making lists. After forty-five minutes or so, the random points were beginning to make sense. I was beginning to see a pattern in all the confusion. And how I might make something constructive out of all this fog.
Unfortunately, my mint latte was beginning to make me sick so I decided to take a walk and also get some dinner. I went to a burger place I had always wanted to try and took a break from introspection. I’ve done solo lunches before since few people in my office seem to want to take a lunch break but never dinner. Well, here we go.
By that evening, I had tackled most of the areas of my life, except for the job and had even come to some conclusions. I left the job bit for the next day.
I still haven’t figured out what I want to do about the job. But having got my head around so many other parts of my life, taken stock and made some resolutions, I feel like I’ve done enough. I have a written map of what I should be doing over the next year and also a set of reminders to myself what I should be thanking God for each day. That is enough for now, I think.
And I managed to spend the whole weekend alone too. I had a free facial thanks to beauty editor who is now sitting next to me and I had a hair cut and awesome shampoo in the local place and I came home and feel fine. Maybe I’m getting the hang of this solitude thing…