The Episode: Episode 4, Season 3
The question: What’s your dealbreaker?

So my rule is that I can only watch SATC reruns when V is away. But V’s almost away so I guess it’s ok to break my own rule.

I’ve skipped a couple of episodes because I watched them when I was too tired to think or write anything. And then we come to this one.

Charlotte’s dating a bad kisser (“he raped my face”), Samantha a black guy who’s sister’s warned her off because she’s white, Carrie a guy who can’t stand smokers and Stan a guy who has a doll collection.

So the first question is: would you break up with someone because they’re a bad kisser? Samantha says yes. I’m inclined to go the Charlotte route and try to tutor him. But as Charlotte realised, bad kissers are hard to reform. I don’t think I’ve dated a bad kisser. But I have dated someone who was bad in bed. Did I break up with him over it? Kind of. But that because there was nothing else. Bad technique in bed can be improved right? right?

But what then are the dealbreakers? Are there dealbreakers?

At 18, I would’ve answered “hell yeah”. Ten years on, I’m not so sure. You learn the value of compromise. Like Carrie, I decided to quit smoking for a guy (and unlike her, I’ve stuck with it… mostly). “The moment I heard the lie come out of my mouth I realised how much I liked him,” she says. How true. The people worth lying to are sometimes the people who mean the most.

Don’t know if I could stomach a guy with a doll collection (though that seems fairly common in HK) but what about unusual habits. Again, it would depend on the guy and the habit. I haven’t dated anyone with really weird hobbies. Thankfully.

I would’ve thought my dealbreaker would be a guy who didn’t read. But my record with men has somehow tended to the literarilliterate. I’ve come to accept that the kind of guy that reads a lot is not the same guy that turns me on, despite my best intentions.

I have been known to break up with a guy because he didn’t know who Karl Marx is. “Known to” because I didn’t actually break up with him over that. Or at least, not only over that. But finally, when I got tired of him asking me why, it was the first thing that came out of my mouth. And unfortunately, it was what he repeated to his friends. Oh well. A reputation for intellectual snobbery, however laughable, is not something I’ll quibble over.

Actually, I think my dealbreaker would be Samantha’s: a guy who doesn’t have the balls to stand up to his family. Being married, I’ve learnt that this is especially hard for guys. Maybe because they’re always left out of the controversies that embroil families. They are never required to make the all or nothing call because they’re either indulged or they bypass emotional confrontation of the familial kind. I understand this and I let some things slide. But when push comes to shove, the person I’m with must be able to stand up for me. If they can’t, they’re not worth it.

Most amusing part of the episode: Tie between 30-something Carrie confessing that she “has a crush” and the spaniel humping Carrie in the shop. I think the spaniel wins just for being a spaniel. It’s the ears, I tell you.

Interesting lingo: crush (Aiden) versus crash (Big) and crush-proof. Now, who was my crash? The green eyed monster I’d say. Glad to say, I’m not yet crush-proof but I should move on to someone more attainable than the leader of the free world. Brad Pitt, maybe.