Just when I was beginning to think that my sister and I having babies in the same year was eventful enough, my sister-in-law has adopted a baby girl. They brought her home last week and she is super-adorable.
So, now my son will have two cousins of exactly his age to play with. Except they are both girls. Hmph. Also they are both in different countries. Double hmph.
Maybe because I am about to have a baby, I was greatly excited about this new niece. The night my Sil told me the news, I dreamt about the baby, about how she was a blessing, about how we’re going to love her. My Sil and I get along (for the most part) but we don’t talk that often. But around the time she was bringing home the baby, we were on the phone to each other three times in one week.
My Sil might seem unusual because she is adopting a baby although she already has a daughter. It’s not because she can’t have kids herself. I don’t think it’s because she thinks she’s doing something noble. She and her husband decided this is the way they want to build their family.
Both V and I have cousins who were adopted and so it’s not out of the ordinary for us. It’s hard to even remember they are adopted. My cousin looks racially different from other members of our family, and yet, we’ll make remarks like “oh, you’re looking so much like aunty so-and-so.” Sure, an adopted kid will face some complex issues of identity at a certain age – this is something it took me a long time to accept because I couldn’t see why my cousin should face any emotional turmoil relating to her identity when she was so completely a part of our family. (I was even slightly offended – she was my baby cousin, how could she even consider belonging to anyone else). But for whatever angst my cousin who was adopted goes through and puts her parents through, I came name two other cousins who were not adopted who went through equally serious issues.
I have always supported the idea of adoption and people who choose to adopt without thinking I could do it myself. The reason being I don’t like babies enough. I figured that going through pregnancy would make me bond with my own baby (which it has) and so I could mother my own biological child. But I wasn’t sure I could love someone else’s baby as my own child.
Ironically, going through pregnancy has changed my mind. Honestly, after going through this process (which is not pretty, and I’m assuming will only get uglier with labour), I figure if I can love this child, I can love a child who doesn’t put me through this. Especially a girl child.
So, I want to adopt too. I don’t want to spend another year of my life going through this. I want to be sure my next child will be a girl. The only obstacle – my husband. Although he’s sure he won’t make a difference between his nieces, he’s not sure he could bond with an adopted child as his own. However, he has already started talking about having another child, maybe because he panics slightly when I declare there is no way I’m going through this process again. So, I’m hoping that watching the niece grow up and loving her will convince him that whether your child is adopted or biologically yours, doesn’t really matter much.
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Also, an insane number of people I know seem to be having babies. First, there’s the apartment complex we moved to. Hong Kong has an extremely low birth rate, but in our apartment complex one can be standing in the lift lobby for five minutes and two preggers women will waddle by (apart from self, so that makes three).
Then, there’s my immediate family: my sis, my closest cousin, and another cousin had babies in March, April, May. Then there’s me due soon. And now another cousin called in to say she is pregnant, due June.
In HK, I know at least 3 friends who are pregnant and due around now. This, of course, can be put down to age. We are at that age when we decide to have babies.
And finally, yesterday, I learnt that one of my ex-boyfriends had a baby. Really, it’s getting hard to keep track.