Finally, after months of shocking my colleagues by walking to and fro in rain and sun and shamelessly eating forbidden things like shrimp, I feel heavy. I do not want to move. The act of getting up is painful. My pelvis is feeling the weight above it and my right buttock is ensuring that my waddling gait is one-sided. My double chin is undeniable.

My husband reminds me every day to “be careful”. To not read while on the escalator. To get up slowly. To stop walking so much.

Little things continue to crop up. Now my weight is fine but my pee has too much protein. On Sunday, I dined with a person who had a cold sore and then I panicked.

My son is upside down and has been for a while. He is big and he is cramped and he kicks me for it.

It’s only a matter of time.