Against V’s advice, I decided to cut the Benj’s nails because they had grown long and he had scratched his nose rather badly. Actually, V is the designated nail-cutter because I once clipped Benjy’s finger. I’ve been bugging V to do it for a while and he’s put it off and finally this time, when he tried to do it Benjy woke up. But I was determined to do it.
Except I cut his finger horribly. It started bleeding all over my shirt. The Benj was howling, I started crying and V was yelling.
Finally, our helper bandaged Benj’s hand, I managed to calm him down and we put him to sleep and fed him. This morning he seemed fine and was smiling at me, happy as a clam, breaking my heart. His cut still looks big though it’s stopped bleeding.
I won’t be forgiving myself for this for a long time. I slept in my bloody shirt because I wanted to remind myself what I did to my son. I know I sound dramatic but cutting one’s son once is forgivable, twice is not.
The one thing I have learnt from this, apart from the need to stay away from Benjy’s nails, is that as a parent you can hurt your child, despite your best intentions. I already knew this, but Benjy’s bloody finger reminded me just how bad the consequences of parental insistence can be.
Sometime we have to take a call and bear the consequences. And sometimes, when our child pulls away, we have to go along with them.