Does it annoy you when people behave like an expert on your city when they have only lived there a couple of years? This, I have identified, is a thing with me. (Clearly, I have many things. A side of effect of aging is the explanation I am going with).
A few years ago, a person we used to party with (this should be a new category like frientance) annoyed the shit out of me by insinuating that I wasn’t a true Bombayite/Mumbaikar/Person from Bombay (I am going with the former) because I hadn’t been to Barbeque Nation or some such. Well, excuse me, Barbeque Nation did not exist all the 25 years I lived in Bombay and I’d wager will not exist in the next couple of years (does it exist anymore?). I do not consider attendance at the Barbecue Nations of the world true markers of having lived and thrived in the city.
Now, of course, it is truly irritating when someone takes a position on your city that you disagree with. But my possessiveness does not end there. I find it annoying, albeit less so, when people claim to be experts even when they are saying something I agree with.
Like the other day, this girl went on about how she loved Bombay but hated Bangalore. What’s not to love about that? Okay, I don’t hate Bangalore; I just think Bombay is better. (Bangalore peeps don’t kick me, I have my husband for that.) But even though she was saying something similar to my own viewpoint, I found myself rolling my eyes.
Maybe because I didn’t agree entirely with what she objected to in Bangalore. More because I didn’t think that what she loved about Bombay rang true. And partly, because I didn’t think she was entitled to claim ownership to Bombay having lived there for such a short time (which I admit is rich coming from someone who has not lived there for quite a long time but I think growing up there counts and going back every year counts for something).
I guess it’s a bit like the infatuation-love distinction. For it to be love, you have to know the object of your affection and that generally takes time. A year or two in a city is not a long time. Hong Kong is a transient place and an oft-asked question is “How long have you been here?” Even then, at one year or two, you’re still considered a newbie.
I lived in Hyderabad for two years, I was born there and I spent many vacations there growing up. But even after my two years, I don’t think I an entitled speak authoritatively about it to people who had grown up there (forgive/slap me if I have ever done so). If I wanted to, I’d air my opinions heavily seasoned with humility. Except the opinion that I didn’t believe I could ever live there happily, which two years is good enough to form.
I am more illogically this way about Goa too. With regard to Goa, I would naturally defer to people who live there. But as a Goan and one who spent practically every summer there growing up, who has family and an ancestral home there, I will claim precedence over those who flocked to Goa during the party season. I fully acknowledge that the (touristy) party scene in Goa completely threw me when I first encountered it and I am happy to be led by others when it comes to that. But beyond that, if you’re the type that goes to Goa once or twice a year to party, I probably know more about it than you do seeing as it is (at the risk of sounding senti) steeped in my blood. Just as although I am hardly typically Indian, I definitely know more about India that a foreigner who has done the odd trip to India.
LOL on the post…you made me smile
okie here are a few things
1. I have lived in Baroda for 24 years..yet I dont claim to be an authority about the place, because there are loads of places there I never went to…I was not the roaming types…I was a chamat (good) child who would go to college and back home *Rolls eyes*
2. I know Bombay well enough to be confident that if you leave me in any corner, I can take the trains and get back home…I trust the suburban railway system too much 🙂
3. My parents just shifted to Goa about 2 years ago, and Appa says he loves the place…Amma loves the quietness and Appa loves the fish 😉
Having said that, I must admit, I hardly ever offer my opinion about a place because I dont think I am of the types who can confidently tell you ‘okie, if you want to buy bhindi, go to Borivali station, or that if you want to get golas go to Vile Parle’ I dont think I will ever have that authority…
and I didnt get the last line, why arent you hardly typical Indian???
Okay so:
1. If you lived and grew up in Baroda for 24 years, you have full permission to claim it as your own and pontificate on it. Most people growing up stick to their own district – I have a post coming up on people who grew up in South Bombay. But just growing up in a city you will absorb things about the city, though there will be details that are typical of which part of the city you grew up in.
2. You have been in Bombay long enough and built a family there. So you also have my full permission to claim Bombay.
3. Your parents are living in Goa so they also have my full permission to claim it (even over me) but if they encounter people who have lived there much longer, then those people would most often be right (but not always).
These are the rules of the situation as per moi.
Regarding opinions, I think some people are just very confident about doing that. Those people will be airing their opinions even two months after arriving somewhere. People like us on the other hand will always be holding back, making clear this is only our opinion etc.
About not being typical Indian, I had posted about it here (https://thebluebride.wordpress.com/2010/06/25/being-indian-2/). And now that I haven’t lived in India for six years, I will defer to people in India that do. You know you’re an outsider when you say something critical about India and people give you a strange look.
I love this post 🙂
1. I spent 18 years in Kerala – Trivandrum at that. Born and brought up there. Know the place fairly well, but shut my mouth when my grandfather…who’s been there all his life starts explaining directions and shortcuts to a place. I then definitely feel I don’t know the place enough! 😀
2. Spent 5 years in Delhi. Was heavily protected there and dad would try not let me venture out alone. That I sneaked off to explore different areas is a different thing altogether. But I’d never claim to be an expert on the place. There’s so much more of that city to see.
3. Spent a year in London. Some of my happiest memories are from there. Not an expert on London either, but that’s one city I am possessive about. And I roamed about quite a lot in that one year.
4. Last 3 years I’ve been in Mumbai. Still exploring. And enjoying 🙂
I guess the moral of the story, from your and R’s Mom’s testimony, is that maybe just to remember to defer to people who have been there (or from there) longer when airing your views about a city.
Aww what a post. Exactly my sentiments about airing your opinions. When I’m not from a city I take care that I don’t come across as rude. But when you have bad experiences, you don’t care about what people think about you when you air your opinions. Guess it all boils down to how you take what others say about the city you love. I have never been a city lover so I’m kind of nonchalant 🙂
Heh, how can anyone be nonchalant about a place? This is like Curly who said she’s not that into food. Eeenteresting. I definitely think that one has to be careful when criticising a place when around locals.
I said I’m not that into food!!! That’s an outrageous lie coz I’m like the biggest foodie there is! How old was I when I said this?
Ums when you came to Hong Kong and you were telling me you were allergic to everything and I was like oh no tragic and you said how you weren’t that into food and when you went to Paris you only ate bread and cheese and were happy. Did I dream that conversation? It is possible.
Loved your post. I find a lot of things annoying and I’m sure many people find me quite annoying for that. 🙂
Coming to owning places, because my father had a transferrable job (though fortunately we had to change only 3 schools) we got to live in a few towns and cities in Maharashtra. As a kid I would ache to belong to the town/city we lived in…however just when we had settled in, we’d have to move. Of all the places, I have lived in Pune, Aurangabad and Hyderabad for 7-8 years. Since I was very young when I was in Pune I’m very attached to the place but I hardly know it…:( Aurangabad is home because my parents live there. Strangely though, Hyd where I was born, got my first job, met my husband, bought our first apartment and where I have lived the longest sometimes feels like a completely new city – as if I’m a stranger in my own city.
And now that I’m in Boston for the past 3 years, there are times when I feel I know this place. I may not know the happening places, or rattle off directions. I know I will dearly miss this city when it’s time to move on.
I think there is an element of choice and identification in where you belong not just time spent. So I guess sufficient identification with a place is an important element in owning a place but it should be coupled with a decent amount of time spent there. How much one actually knows a place will always be subjective.
Oh I so hear you. Born and brought uP in Bombay , lived there for 26 years in the same house in Santacruz and this chit ( who has lived in bbay for all of two years) gave me gyan the other day about how I have missed on the night life there. Excuse me while I splutter and foam at the mouth.
Beauty abt your post is that it could be applicable to a person living anywhere. Love.
See this is exactly the kind of thing that inspired this post.