In some senses, it has not been a good year for friendship. Some old ones withered or became fraught, and Google chat scared the shit out of me by sending off chats with one friend to other people on my contact list, resulting in me swearing off Google chat and thus, having only sporadic contact with Curly.
Since this is supposed to be a photo challenge (though clearly I suck in the photography department), I tried to dig out a photo of me with friends which didn’t show our actual faces. And in the process was reminded that I have almost no photographs of MinCat and me together. Next time, forget the fancy camera stuff, I’m just going to do a selfie.
This photo was taken in Goa where some of us gathered for a friend’s wedding. It was one of the most fun times of my recent life, equalled by another epic reunion trip to Sri Lanka and my trip to Delhi to meet MinCat.
It’s amazing that my very old friendships are still strong enough for us to have a really good time when we meet. It’s sad that some of those old friendships are not as close as they were simply due to distance and the lack of the will to keep in touch. It’s amazing that someone I had written off still came through for me when I needed it. It’s sad that no one I count really close to me is in the same place as I am. It’s amazing that I have two friends who are far away who I’m in touch with regularly and who provide the kind of support that friendships are supposed to provide.
But I have stopped agonising about all this. The fact is that I don’t feel the vacuum of friendships because I don’t have time to anymore. Recently, a girl that just moved to Hong Kong who seems like a great person to get to know mentioned how she missing her friends circle and though I do want to reach out, I’m struggling to find the time. In a way, I don’t want to start a friendship that I can’t keep up. Yeah, that’s what it’s come to.
Over the years, but in this past year particularly, I’ve mastered the art of self-dependence. This is not to say that I don’t have people having my back when I need support, but when I’m terribly low, I can handle it if I have no one’s hand to hold right at the moment. I would love to be in the same place as my besties and I would love to have the whole gaggle of girlies to giggle with every weekend. But maybe it’s not essential for people to be right there waiting as long as they’re out there somewhere and still hold you dear.