Scene: Me on the pot taking a dump. Suddenly a scream rends the air.
Mimi: Mamaaaaa, I need you
Me: What?
Mimi: I need to print something
Me: Please wait
Mimi: But I need to for my Chinese
Me: See if someone else can help you
Mimi: Dadaaaaa
Helper: Wait, daddy’s cooking
Mimi: But I need …
V: Please wait, I’m cooking
Mimi: Mamaaaa
Me: You’ll have to wait for five minutes
Mimi: But what do I do then?
Me: Wait
Mimi: Can I do the mindfulness yoga? (for PE class)
Me: No wait, finish your Chinese first
Mimi: But can I do the mindfulness yoga?
Me (pondering all the times I’ve thought she should do mindfulness yoga, exactly for times like this, which paradoxically now I don’t want her to do. Is it legit to do mindfulness yoga as a feint away from dealing with the ability to spend five minutes waiting? Is this what the entire yoga fad is about – feeling like you’re doing something while waiting, when actually doing nothing?): Do the (damn) mindfulness yoga.
Blessed silence (except for the sounds of the mindfulness yoga video). The end.

No wait.
Mimi comes out of room looking sheepish: I did the mindfullness yoga
Me: Do you feel calmer?
Mimi (looking weirded out): It was zending
Me: What’s that?
Mimi: If someone’s mean, you think about why were they mean. That’s mindfullness.
She has a totally eh expression.
We both burst out laughing.

Nene: Oh good, I finished… Mameeee
Me: Wait
Nene: But maaaaameee
Mimi: Miiiiindfulness
Nene: Shut it!

Okay, I got some more deets on what the mindfulness yoga was about. Apparently, when you’re frustrated, you could get the mean bug and want to pass it one to someone. But instead you should think about why you’re frustrated and why that person was mean to you.
I think it struck a chord with her.

Now she’s slow dancing around the house chanting “Mindfulllllness” while Nene shouts “be quiet!” at regular intervals.

***

Several weeks later, I realise that I was supposed to have been recording said mindfulness yoga and uploading it as an assignment. Nene received a rather stern note from his teacher warning that if he did not do the assignments he’d get a zero in PE.

I had do a bit of mindfulness yoga myself to not explode in fury. When I calmed down – which took several days – I found myself forcing my child to not go down and play football (actual exercise) but instead stand in front of a screen dancing while I recorded to tick the school’s box.