The Episode: Season I, Episode 1. (Yes, finally I’m starting at the beginning).
The Question: Can a woman have sex like a man? AND Do women
My dirty little secret is that I have not watched the very first episode of SATC before. There I said it.
But I have read the book. Most people who read the book hate it. I did too. But it grew on me. I actually like it now and reread it, as I am want to do with chicklit in a way that happens with say, Virginia Woolf. Both have their own pleasures though.
What I realised is that the first episode is almost exactly like the book. It lays out the anthropological examination that will play out throughout the series. Which is – why can’t women in New York get a man? Do they need to? Do they want to? What’s wrong with the men?
It is also the introduction of Mr Big, which is a very sweet undertone to the cynical examination that will become the thesis of the show, almost undercutting the logical probing of Carrie’s narrative by throwing in the complicated mix of emotions.
But back to the question at hand. When faced with men who have decided that they’d rather have a younger, more attractive and less complicated model than women their own age, what do the women do? Especially in a situation where the women of a certain age and economic status are no longer willing to settle and simper either.
Could they, as Samantha says, have sex like a man?
They could. And have. Even Indian women.
I did it as an experiment. Also I was feeling a bit blue at that time and blue makes me numb and numb makes me analytical. So I embarked on a sexual experiment.
It was quite empowering and practical. Because your range of possibilty gets extended to men you don’t really like, might not have hung out with but who are simply available. Of course, I don’t think I could have sex with someone I didn’t start out liking at least at the beginning. I need some fodder for the imagination especially since really attractive men are such slim pickings that you have to go for personality as a turn on.
Quite quickly I decided I was not interested. But hey, I needed to be distracted and sex gave me something to do.
I have to say it wasn’t for me. But that could just be because the man wasn’t that good in bed although he thought he was (which was quite funny actually in retrospect). I guess most people aren’t that good in bed and the emotion tides that over.
Also as randy as one is, one is not that randy. The other day was discussing with V the relative difference in quantity of how much men think about sex versus women. Women do think about sex a lot more than we’re given credit for. Especially when bored – which frankly makes Mass an unfortunately fertile time for fantasy but let’s forget that. But I think men think about it more. And have the energy to act on it.
I don’t. No matter how much I fantasize, I don’t always have the energy to go through with the act. I might actually rate sleeping above sex. (I think this happens when you’re married also. Before there’s a shortage of supply and then when it’s unlimited it’s like ODing on icecream).
Also, I suspect for a lot of women they can actually have very satisfactory sexual experiences all on their own. I don’t think this is true for men. Jerking off for men is just a compromise. For women, it could an end in itself.
In fact, the only reason a lot of women want another person around is the warmth of another body and the cuddly stuff. If the other person, male or female, is not going to be cuddly then you’re sort of cheated. You could have just shagged in your own bed.
I have to say though, being able to do it and then just get up, put on your clothes and walk off without a care in the world is quite a power trip. But after the power trip is over you end up feeling a bit, well, inconvenienced.
There are probably women who enjoy that kind of sex but I don’t know any. I know women, like me, who would like to think that they do. Because it makes them feel stronger. And sometimes because they might not have a choice at the time.
But back to the episode (also because I don’t have much more to say about this). The fascinating thing is that it is Big, a man, who presents the note of sentimentality in this episode. He points out quite simply that while one can always have sex like a man, being in love makes all the difference.