For the longest time, I refused to talk about the impending PhD because I didn’t want to jinx it. I was traumatized with my tryst with bureaucracy and I refused to believe that there would be no spanner in the wheels and I would actually be allowed to pursue my studies without being asked to furnish another document.
This fear of bureaucracy is a particularly Indian one. I wonder if people from countries where rules and regulations and paper pushing are not weapons used to terrorise the masses (and these countries do exist, Hong Kong being one of them) have this ball of dread in the bottom of their stomachs when they are asked to produce a document. It has taken me years in Hong Kong to unlearn this fear, to go to the counter of a government organization and not steel myself for the apathy and the inevitable runaround. And just one setback was all it took for me to be back down the panic-stricken path again.
But here I am, just shy of a month away from full-time studies. I have begun to look into courses I might do – and god, it’s so exciting. Even the prospect of a run-of-the-mill Gender Studies course excites me. I met my supervisor and she seems nice – despite one slightly snarky comment – if strangely clueless about admin stuff. She quickly asked me to scratch the very basic Gender Studies course from my list, but was supportive of others. On the positive side, she remembered my topic which surprised me. I also received an email about tutoring duties and the teacher I’ll be helping for the semester is young and seems friendly.
I am confused and a bit stressed out about courses, because I’m not yet a student but I need to register for some classes or I might not get them. Unfortunately, because I’m not a student, I don’t have all the information on how to do that and I had to resort to asking my supervisor the stupid questions. Fortunately, because I’m a staff member of the same university I have the advantage of accessing the course list with my staff ID and can actually meet my supervisor before I start. Because I’m bad with numbers, I thought I’d need to take more courses than I actually have to. Now I’m tempted to just coast for the first semester.
Apart from rereading my proposal before meeting my supervisor, I refuse to read any stuff related to my topic. I just finished Diana Vreeland’s memoir and will move onto a biography of her. I’m going to squeeze in as much frivolous reading that is unconnected to my PhD in the next two weeks. Then, I’ll look at my notes again. I have good intentions of summarizing everything I’ve read so far into a paper of sorts (I know, I know, go ahead and laugh).
In the interim, I’ve received quite a few requests for freelance work, which is flattering. I might not end up as broke as I thought. But I might end up busier than ever, which is terrifying.
I have started carting home personal stuff since I gallantly offered to give up my desk to the new girl who will be joining during our overlap period. Also because I know from experience that unless you have a car or a friend with a car willing to be your caddy, leaving it till the last day is not a good strategy.
My plants almost died during the last long weekend break and I put them out in the terrace garden hoping they’d revive with natural sunlight and rain but they’re pretty much goners methinks. I’m seeing them as a symbol that my time here is done. I need a symbol because a part of me is really sad (and scared) to be leaving this job which has all things considered been so nice to me for more than five years. And two months before leaving I got a raise due to civil service adjustment so the salary I’m not going to be getting anymore is even higher than I earlier imagined and that makes me feel like an utter fool.
But deep breaths. I’m at the finishing line or the starting line. Limbo really. And it’s not a bad place to be.
for whom the bell tolls 
Super! I hope all goes well for you. My PhD plans are still very iffy. The UGC seems to be getting crazier by the day. I don’t know if I should do it within this sucky system or just wait till the daughter is older and do it elsewhere.
You know what…I had a minor heart-attack because I realised that now (or was it always?) PhD students in India have to do the NET to qualify. So then, would they recognise my PhD in India that was obtained sans NET or GRE? Does this mean if I want to teach in India I still have to do NET even though I have a PhD? Arrrgh! (If you know the answer to that question please tell)
For now, I’ve decided to just not think about that part.
breathe. they recognize. esp from phorens.
I lost track of where the UGC stands on these things when I left my teaching position at the University of Pune to pursue a PhD abroad. However, in my experience, your NET qualifications count for little once you have your PhD.
After I got my degree, I applied to many places in India that included the IITs and IIMs, and was offered a faculty position at IIM-A. I also researched other places such as TISS and did not see NET as a condition in their job ads. Though I am both SET/NET qualified, it never came up for discussion in any of my job interviews so I wouldn’t sweat it if I were you.
For one, I found these exams a complete waste and ridiculously simple (for Journalism at least) so you could always take it if you had to. I did not study for SET/NET because I did not know what to study and I passed both in the first attempt. My discipline did not even have a SET/NET paper and I had to appear for the Journalism track. This was in 2004-2005 and things may have changed now. For another, the UGC is quite temperamental and by the time you get done, they may have a completely new set of rules in place.
I did not want to teach so opted for an industry position, but for anyone who wants to, there are some options in India other than state and central universities – including engineering schools that are looking for teaching and research track candidates in the humanities.
Good luck with the road ahead.
Okay breathing. Thanks, Mincat and GM.
“This fear of bureaucracy is a particularly Indian one”
Tell that to the Brits.
Are Brits petrified of bureaucracy too? They definitely whine about it and put every sin on earth down to it, but in Hong Kong they don’t seem to exhibit much fear in their dealings with the bureaucracy.
Omg, totally hear on the fear of bureaucracy! It’s taken me years of the super efficient US system to unlearn this. On the plus I am always so so pleasantly surprised when things get done. It’s unbelievable. E.g. getting a birth certificate for my daughter. I actually asked the guy when I went in “you mean I can just get a copy today”. He laughed, probably thinking it was a strange question. Same thing with her passport. I was skipping with joy when we walked out after an 30 min wait and being told to watch for in in a week in the mail.
Yep, we had the same reaction. Well, we did have some hiccups with the birth registry here in terms of naming which revealed how bureaucratic bureaucrats can be … but nothing on the levels of what you have to go through in India.
Good luck! 🙂
Thanks!
Keep your plate half empty now — it will start looking very full by the end of September. Good luck and enjoy the ride!
Yep, trying. I vacillate between staring in fascination at half-empty plate and giving in to urge to ladle more greens onto it.
Happy limbo indeed and thanks for sharing with us how you feel about the impending changes in your life:-) so happy and excited for you. I’m hoping you chronicle some of your joys(and trials of course) along the way and write with just as much enthu and gusto as you always do. Although between all that library haunting, tutoring and ogling at fellow guy mates you’re going to do how you’re gonna find time is beyond me:-)
Are you planning a go-away outta town vacation before the whirlwind begins?
Thanks Deepikins. I think I will be chronicling the journey – doctoral students seem to moan a lot and what is a blog for if not moaning?
I’m planning a getaway but to an island within Hong Kong…just a two night thing but looking forward to it as if we were going to Paris. Ah Lantau Island, the Paris of the mom-who-can’t-be-bothered-with-babies-with-jetlag.
Good luck with your Phd:) Do watch the Diana Vreeland documentary, ‘The Eye has to Travel’… it’s really good.
Good luck.
And yes, the fear of official paperwork is real.
Yeah. Yesterday was talking to husband’s cousin and she was like, are you excited and I just stopped, and said, kinda nervous and I realised I’m STILL nervous about some paperwork gochi.