Nine months

This month is a blur. I can’t seem to recall where it went.

After the kids’ unit tests, we sort of went into chilled-out mode. They didn’t seem to be doing anything academic at school. All the focus was on their annual concert. Which was quite sweet when it happened, even if a bit unpolished and disorganised. Mimi was in two or three dances. Nene played the maracas (we had a good giggle about this) and – despite his best efforts – even had one line to say in the play.

Easter happened, and it was bittersweet. My MIL is basically bedridden. I did an Easter egg hunt for the kids in my in-laws house, and it was nice to extend that tradition to the cousins. I went for mass, and that might become a new tradition for me.

It has been so so hot. Work has been the usual crazy. V has been the occasional mindfuck that he is. I was properly depressed for one week. I have officially reached the point where I am working purely for the money. It’s worse working from home where it’s just the sheer plod of it, with none of the rewards of chatting with colleagues or even the air con. And I don’t think I can find a job that’s a better fit for me. The more relaxing jobs would have less impact, and I don’t like being involved in stuff that just disappears into a void (except this blog ha!).

I took off to Goa for a cousin’s kid’s India reception and it was great. On the one hand, it’s just a one hour flight away. On the other, one has to get to the airport two hours in advance and it’s such a production. But Goa is so beautiful, I felt a deep desire to move there.

I was determined to do both the pool and the beach, and I did. We were in the south this time, and Benaulim beach was very beautiful.

I hadn’t meant to take the kids, but I’m glad I did. In addition to them hanging with my parents, it was cute to see my older cousins and uncles interact with the kids. The uncles have become so old, and I am so glad I got to spend a little time with them. They all promptly whipped out their mobiles at the wedding reception to watch the IPL but never mind. My cousins’ kids are such sweethearts, it’s hard to believe they’re grown up and now driving us places.

At the reception, I got Nene to do the wedding march with me, and Mimi actually wanted to dance. My dad who is usually up to dance didn’t want to, but we did a father-daughter dance.

The older I get, the more I want to do the things I used to cringe or roll my eyes at as a kid. Like dance to Konkani music or sit and chat with my uncles.

Our flight back was delayed by a couple of hours, and Indigo’s communication sucks. I was exhausted when I got back, and promptly fell ill.

Next month are final exams, and no one is in the mood to prepare for them. I’m dreading it, and can’t wait for it to be over.

Democracy and its discontents

Mimi: “OMG Google is giving me the middle finger! Oh, wait, it’s the voting thing.”

V was gearing up to vote for what he claimed was the first time, although he had once told me that his dad had chased them out to vote, and even told them who to vote for. All these years, he’s said he doesn’t believe in voting because it doesn’t make any difference.

Although he’s one of the few people I know who actually saw benefits from voting for someone as his father had some connection to the local MLA, and I believe the horribly potholed road leading up to their house was actually finally tarred as a result, which is more than I can say happened for me despite years of exercising my franchise.

I’m pretty sure V’s desire to vote this time is due to all the discussion on the podcasts he watches. He was quite tickled by the whole process, and I’ll admit, there is something inspiring about the massive undertaking that is democracy in India.

Meanwhile, I, who has voted in every election I could since I was 18 – except the last legislative council election in Hong Kong because the system had become just too ridiculous by then – have becomes increasingly disillusioned by the process. Ironically, living in Hong Kong, where people have been complaining about the lack of democracy for as long as I can remember, I experienced a responsive government for the first time. Even when the political system was skewed so badly that it finally lived up to Western criticism of it, the government was more responsive than any (even at the municipal level) in India.

In India, the demographic I belong to is so small as to be insignificant. It’s why there’s not large-scale campaigning in our areas even for municipal elections. I realised this early on, when a sort of town hall had been organised in our school of the candidates for the municipal election. The Congress candidate didn’t bother to turn up until the event was almost over. She was unapologetic and went on to win.

Nevertheless, I remained enthusiastic about voting. Now, I don’t believe my vote makes any difference, especially in elections like this one, but I’d do it anyway.

I didn’t vote this time, because I didn’t have a voter ID. I don’t have a voter ID because of my Aadhaar card complication.

And (possibly sour grapes) I found all the people putting up photos their inked finger as if they personally saved the nation more than a tad irritating. One guy even sanctimoniously goes, “If you don’t vote, you can’t complain.” Which, sorry, but governments are paid to do a job, and whether one voted for them or not, one can complain if they aren’t doing that job.

On the one hand, it is great that voting has become fashionable. On the other, it’s one of those, yes, I did my bit, the end. After ticking that box, people aren’t involved in the democratic process at all. There’s almost no civic engagement because the system makes it so hard to participate.

Democratic systems are in the end rigged by the money behind them. And sometimes people are pissed enough to be able to overcome the forces of the various vested interests that make or break governments, and that’s why the vote is important to have. It’s a check and balance, but one whose importance has been overstated to make us feel like we have a say, when largely, we don’t.

Maybe because I’ve lived in and around places where democracy doesn’t exist or exists in a very unideal form, but whose governments seem to deliver equally or more than democratic governments do, that I’ve begun to wonder if it really matters whether I get to choose the people in charge? Is a glorified popularity contest really the best way to go about this? Why has majority wins become synonymous with the idea of not only fairness but everything that’s just and good?

Mythology

When I was 12
I thought I was
Athena
Who sprang directly from
The head of her father.
When I was 18
I became Persephone
Dragged (not entirely unwillingly)
Into the underworld
By Hades.
At 40,
I realised that my anger
At my mother
Was that she failed
To be Demeter
Who moved Heaven and Earth
To bring her daughter back.

Tags

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The Fast and the Dead, Anuja Chauhan

I don’t even know why this went on the chick lit blog, except I feel the need to collect all my Anuja Chauhan related thoughts there.

All That Sizzles, Sakshama Puri Dhaliwal

This is true blue chick lit. Thoughts here.

The Mysterious Case of the Alperton Angels, Janice Hallett

Hallett’s thing is to write mysteries in an innovative form. Her first novel was told almost entirely in emails, the second in audio recording transcripts. The first worked much better than the second. I’d find it exhausting to write like this, but the third Hallett uses research for a true crime novel as her frame. This worked better for me than the second novel because the mystery itself was pretty simple – finding the baby that survived a cult suicide. There are some bits which are excerpts from plays and film scripts about the event, which I thought were just padding to make the novel longer – and there’s probably an element of that – but they also had a point. Moreover, the novel raised some interesting belief, what’s real and what isn’t.

The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store, James McBride

This was a book club pick, and I wasn’t very enthused about reading it, but it turned out better than I expected in some ways, and worse in others. I expected it to be up lit, and I wasn’t in the mood for that. That turned out to be a good thing, because it was very Toni Morrisonesque, except with Jewish people in addition to blacks. McBride is of Jewish-Black heritage and he seemed to be trying to reckon with both sides of his identity while making a point about solidarity between minorities – and its limits. There’s a mystery of a body at the beginning of the novel, but it turns out to be just a hook, if that. The book itself is really very character-driven, although there are a lot of characters, and that’s what hooks you.

No One is Talking About This, Patricia Lockwood

This is a very strange novel, which is to be expected, given the author. Lockwood’s memoir Priestdaddy was also strange. The narrator is a woman whose claim to fame is a tweet. It’s meditation on life in the times of social media, written like social media posts. Nevertheless, there’s a narrative in there somewhere, which becomes more evident in the second half when the narrator is forced to confront the real in the form of the birth of her niece, a baby with severe disabilities. There’s a rather trite point there to be made on the difference between the virtual and the real – a distinction I do not entirely buy – but by contrasting the enchantment the imperfect child’s short life with the carnival of the online, with all its irony and virtue signalling, it becomes difficult not to concede. I read it in fits and starts and snorts and giggles until one morning I was speedreading on the couch, and then bawling my eyes out.

Again and Again, E. Lockhart

I loved  The Disreputable History of Frankie-Landau Banks as well as Curtis Sittenfeld’s Prep. And this one was also set in a boarding school, so I expected to love it too. Except the teenage girl romantic angst was laid on a bit too heavy for my liking. But then there’s the underlying issue the teen angst was masking. And I realised that some of the teen angst things applied to me – which is why adults read YA, I guess.

The Graham Effect, Elle Kennedy

I had totally forgotten how into the Briar U series I was, until MinCat reminded me that Kennedy is still writing. This takes up with the next generation starring Garett Graham’s daughter Gigi, who is – you guessed it – a hockey player. But having a female hockey player dealing with all that comes with playing the female version of the sport was pretty cool. And maybe because it’s been a while since I read one of these, I found it well paced and plotted.

The only thing that bothered me was Gigi agreeing to put in a good word for Ryder in exchange for coaching lessons when all along she’s been so insistent on not using her dad for an advantage. In this case, she is indirectly using him, as she’s trading access to him for coaching from Ryder. And at some point – okay when she was in the butterfly garden – that Gigi is basically your average manic pixie dream girl.

All the Briar U cast make an appearance, only they are uncles and aunties now and that’s kind of awkward. Garett is a protective dad, but all round good guy, and Hannah is just the mother figure everyone needs.  

Why I can’t be a Christian

I mean, apart from the fact that I don’t believe in God. It came to me while I attended Easter mass, because yeah I went to church for Easter.

I’ve always wanted to for Christmas and Easter, but fell off the wagon in Hong Kong. This Christmas, I went with my parents and I really enjoyed the service, even though we were sitting outside the church on plastic chairs. My parents weren’t impressed by the church because architecturally it doesn’t hold a candle to our parish church in Bombay, but a good choir can make up for all manner of shortfalls.

In December, the kids agreed to go with us to church, and they didn’t find it too bad, but this time around, only Mimi expressed interest, and then she backed out at the last minute. I wasn’t keen on forcing church on anyone – I think Mimi’s shortlived enthuasism was motivated by her history teacher asking her if she had gone to church (because this being India of course anyone and everyone is into your religious business) – so I went alone.

Anyway, at the start of the Easter service, the priest went on about how the resurrection is the foundation of Christian belief – which I already knew – and it came home to me that not only am I not convinced of the plausibility of the whole thing, I’m not even impressed by it conceptually. People really seem to need to believe there’s something after this life – and I don’t.

I’m quite happy for all this to end, after I’ve discharged my obligations to my parents and my children. The idea of eternal life – of going on and on sounds exhausting – no matter how wonderful it’s made out to be.

It seems like the reward of paradise in the hereafter is needed to motivate people to be good in this life, whereas I feel ethical behaviour should be an end in itself. Be the best person you can be and then die – that’s my credo.

The other thing about church is how banal the homilies are. One of the things that always strikes me when I listen to some of the gurus who have attained fame in recent years is how simplistic they are. I’ve rarely heard a good sermon in church. Most priests keep ranting about something or other, not very profoundly. But maybe this kind of homespun “wisdom” is what appeals to the average person. We used to have a priest who did the most amazing, aphoristic two minute sermons, but apparently, these were beyond the understanding of many people.

Which reminds me of one of my pet peeves. Why don’t they teach philosophy at school? What could be more important learning how to think and the history of thought itself? I’ve often heard people making pronouncements as if they’d come up with some original insight, when if they had just done a philosophy 101 course, they would have known that their idea had not only already been aired, but debated, possibly even dismissed.

I was just going to suggest that priests study philosophy, but apparently they do. It doesn’t seem to show in most sermons though. I wish they could do away with the homily only, and just let the word speak for itself. Always find myself rolling my eyes in the middle of the mass.

What on earth was I doing there, then? Well, there’s something meditative about performing a ritual you’ve been doing since childhood, discounting the 20-year-break. And that’s the crux of it. I realised that I feel so moved by the mass today because it takes me back to a simpler time: a time when I was less jaded, happy, secure in the love of my parents, when I believed that I had all the good things ahead of me and it would all work out, and yeah maybe believing in a God who would right the wrongs and grant my prayers helped.

It’s hard facing the randomness of the universe, the sheer Sisyphean plod of life, dead on, but once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. Mass, for me, is an attempt to revisit the innocence of the believer and the child.

Eight months

The kids had unit tests and it was the madness it always is, with the added bonus that I had a little skirmish with the middle school coordinator and began to have a school-related existential crisis. Their results were really good in some subjects, and quite bad in a couple, and part of me is like, oh we need to be really good in everything, and part of me is like why?

The same middle school coordinator asked Mimi why she did badly in maths (the maths teacher on the other hand felt she had really improved and is showing confidence and that this was the important thing, and I agree) and I’m thinking: a) I thought this school was different, all about all-round development yada yada b) why ask about the subjects she didn’t badly in? why not mention that she did really really well in biology? Oh well, I think the teachers by the end of these meetings are just exhausted, as are parents.

This time they insisted we bring the kids along – I had shamelessly not taken them the last two times – and I’m 50-50 on whether this is a good thing. On the one hand, there can be no arguments later as to what the teacher said. On the other, you can’t really have a frank discussion with the teacher. For example, the question papers in one subject are really badly written. But I wouldn’t want to point that out to the teacher in front of my child.

In the end, Mimi ended up complaining about the chemistry teacher when questioned about the her chem scores, which I wouldn’t have done. I don’t think the teacher uploading revision worksheets at 8.30pm the night before the exam (while ridiculous) had anything to do with her result, but well, if you ask a child why she did badly, she might take the opportunity to complain about the teacher.

***

I noticed the base of my work laptop seemed to coming apart. Panic again. Luckily, I know that a new laptop had been sent to another colleague, but this is not something I wanted to happen so soon, which was why I got my laptop checked before I left.

Thankfully, the laptop was still functioning fine and the office was not too flustered about couriering a laptop. But I was a little concerned about customs. And sure enough, I got a KYC form to fill, which said that the name on the bill had to match the name on my identity document exactly. Except that the office hadn’t included my middle name.

It was all fine in the end, and the laptop arrived without incident.

***

Was just beginning to get my bearing back from the unit tests when it was time to pay advance tax. I thought I had cleared up where I had to pay taxes (India or Hong Kong), until the whole thing came up for debate all over again, two days before the deadline. At which point my accountant decided to go incommunicado.

My dad came to the rescue with some very experienced accountant in Bombay, who pushed me to speak to an expert in Hong Kong, and in my quest to find someone quickly, I ended up speaking to two people, all of which ended up costing a packet. But at least I had peace of mind.

Then on the final day, my accountant popped up again and was all helpful.

I then tried to pay the tax. I got a “transaction failed” message but the money was deducted from my account. A lot of money. The whole thing is very confusing and worrying.

***

I would just like to say that the following is not normal across the world:

  1. Restrictions on how much money you can transfer out of the country. This is apparently to prevent money from leaving. Because although the stock market is booming and everything is great, God knows what would happen if money was actually allowed to go where it wants
  2. So you’d think the logic would be welcoming of money entering the country. But no, even that cannot be seamless. One has to provide an explanation for money transferred into the country.
  3. Say someone sends you a package via a courier service from outside the country. You have to upload ID proof and address proof to receive it.
  4. There is a restriction on the amount of foreign currency you can purchase as cash for travel
  5. Let me not get into the Aadhaar card runaround I have been facing
  6. And the amount of tax to be paid (although even the so-called Silicon Valley of India cannot ensure water or electricity supply)

***

I did have a really nice time at the last book club gathering. The people in that book club might be surprised to learn that they are the extent of my social circle in Bangalore apart from dear MinCat and V’s family. For now, though, this is enough.

February reading list

I read a lot more this month, even though it was a short one. What does that say about my life?

Shrines of Gaiety, Kate Atkinson

After Jonathan Franzen’s Purity, I needed something of similar literary calibre. Weirdly. Often after a good book, I need a downer.

Unfortunately I had nothing suitable at hand. This one had been languishing in TBR. Languishing because while I love Kate Atkinson’s work, well especially the detective stuff, this one set in 20s London wasn’t calling to me.

But a good writer is a good writer is a good writer. Every writer has a thing. Atkinson’s is big eccentric English families. Usually aristocratic. This one is set in the glittering underbelly. In a nightclub.

There was also a Bow Street runner. And murdered girls. I identify now street runners with Lisa Kleypas’ series, and while I didn’t love that series, it somehow made me doubly into this.

While overall, I loved the book, there were many bad mothers: the young girl who runs away from home, the plucky former librarian who’s mother clings, even possibly Nellie’s. It seemed like a trope taken too far.

Auggie and me, R. J. Palacio

I reread Wonder to help Mimi with schoolwork, and I realised I really do love that book, so why the hell shouldn’t I read the sequel, even if my kids who are the intended audience don’t seem interested. The sequel is three short novellas about different characters – Julian, the privileged mean kid in Wonder, Chris, Auggie’s first friend who drifts away, and Charlotte, who appears early in Wonder as one of the kids who is chosen to welcome Auggie and who sort of fades away after that except for a role at one point.

How do you write something that humanises Julian? But somehow Palacio manages to. She gives Julian a redemtive arc, with a bit of history and an eccentric French grandmother thrown in. The Chris story was nice, but I really loved the Charlotte story, that leaned heavily into girl group dynamics.

Reader, I wanted more.

Happy and you know it, Laura Hankin

Since I couldn’t find any more R. J Palacio to read, I thought I should pick up something light. I tend to like snarky takes on the lives of wealthy people – reading about wealth, while feeling like you’re above it. The premise of this is typical: an outsider (in this case, Claire, a musician who has been ditched by her band, just as they get famous) enters a privileged circle (a mommy group of wealthy New Yorkers) and disrupts it. But I realised that I wasn’t into that trope anymore (The Nanny, anyone?), and I almost gave up on this. What interested me, though, was how the novel subverts the trope. Claire really begins to like the women and they are nice to her. Like Claire, I really got into the book, although it’s clearly written with one eye on the TV/movie deal (Big Little Lies ladiz can double up here).

If I have to quibble, it kind of neglected some of the women in the circle, focusing on just three. There isn’t much about Ellie and Miranda, who form a duo of sorts, or Joanna, the spaced out one.

I liked the twists, but the last one was too much, and it all veered into parody territory.

Good Girl, Bad Blood, Holly Jackson

The second in the Good Girl’s Guide to Murder series, I liked this one better. A young person solving a missing person case seems more realistic than her solving a murder. I like the contemporary teen touches, like the use of social media photos to track whereabouts. One quibbled: Pip is 18 but she reads as much younger.

Visit from the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan

This has been on my TBR for ages. Reading it crystalised for me why I’m not a fan of short stories. I really like to know what happens to characters, and short stories leave me, well, shortchanged. This is a series of interlinked stories so it worked, sorta. The first story is really strong, and I really wanted to know what happened to the protagonist Sasha. Thankfully, we get a pretty full picture by the end, and each tanger-story is really interesting too.

Murder at the Grand Raj Palace, Vaseem Khan

It’s been a while since I returned to this series starring Inspector (Rtd) Chopra and his elephant sidekick Ganesha. This one is set in a facsimile of the Taj hotel, and encompasses the art world and the big fat royal wedding. I enjoyed the parallels: the painting at the centre of the mystery sounds like a Souza, the brash Indian businessman could be a Vijay Mallya, the art critic with the attractive young wife, Alyque Padamsee. One phrase I loved: “Unease like a mother-in-law’s visit.” The scene in which Ganesha rushes through the hotel with a crowd in pursuit is such an OTT take on the trope of elephants in India that it works.

Teachers, leave those kids alone?

On the one hand, I learnt a lot of interesting things while helping the kids with their schoolwork. On the other hand, there is just so much of it (and this in the “international” system), and it all comes to a head during tests.

I am the bookish sort, so I don’t remember wondering too much as a kid (or maybe it did, but the validation I got from studying prevailed) whether what I was studying was useful. But now it strikes me that this is the kind of education that future monarchs received – because they were expected to rule countries and hold their own with the monarchs of other nations.

It’s important to understand how the world around us works, but what kids are studying seems to go way beyond that. And the quantity and complexity of information seems to have only increased.

Today, we seem to be cramming information with a high level of detail into all children on the off-chance that some of them will specialise in one of those subjects.

I also wonder whether schools are just including all this material simply to justify their existence. There is no end to things that could be learned, but should they be learned? A geek like me would say bring it on, but not everyone is a geek.

The result is essentially a wastage of some of their best years for many, trauma for some.

***

In Hong Kong, many children were effectively kicked out of the school system after nine years; only those who were seen as good enough to continue to university stayed on for the remaining three years. I thought that was shocking, but really how much book knowledge does the average job need? And couldn’t you learn on the job? (Apparently, Google and some other tech firms agree, and don’t require university education for many jobs. They have developed their own in-house training and certification).

Mainland China is currently running a similar system, where 50 per cent of students are streamed into vocational high schools, with only the other half attending academic schools that feed into university. The country’s leaders have realised that the glut of graduates is not helpful. But the result is an even more competitive system with parents desperate to get their kids into the right 50 per cent.

My sister, however, pointed out that pushing kids out of the system too early is cruel. She herself hit her academic potential only in the tenth standard.

I’m not one of those willing to countenance the possibility of my kids not going to university shut the gates on university education so early, either, for all my talk. I’m coming around to the idea that university is not the only way, and I’ve long felt that most people in university probably shouldn’t be there, but our kids are so unformed, they probably need a few more years before being released into the real world. Maybe if they were so released, though, they might grow up faster, and learn useful and practical things on the job.

***

Not only is the information taught at school excessive, because of the testing process that eventually determines university admission, there increasingly is a fair amount of memorisation involved. Many parents choose the international school system to avoid this, and while the sheer amount of information is reduced and there are some interpretation questions, at the end of the day, if you have to produce work in a limited amount of time, you kind of have to memorise a good chunk of it.

If you expect a student to write a page-length essay in a fixed time period, they cannot do it without having memorised enough material to fill that page quickly. Ideally, the essay has to already be organised in their head. An extensive maths portion will require extensive practice, more for some kids than others. Building vocabulary in a new language will require memorisation of lists of words and verb conjugations. There may be fun ways to do this, but when there is a lot of material to cover, the fun styles of teaching will inevitably take a backseat.

The best universities in the US are flooded with Asian kids because these kids learn the old school way – in school or outside – and then they ace tests. The tests are probably checking understanding, but if you have only two hours to demonstrate your understanding, it has to be almost a reflex, and that comes from memorisation.

***

Is memorisation useful beyond acing tests though?

My mom, who taught primary school, believes that learning poems and nursery rhymes teaches kids to memorise. But should they need this skill, especially in an age when you can basically look anything up on the internet quickly?

I’m undecided on this point. There’s increasingly this funda of “learning to learn”, but I am coming to feel that there’s something to be said for people who just know things. And some of this knowledge comes from experience, but some of it comes from, well, having memorised it. Like the great poets and the dates of the major events in history and the square roots of numbers and chemical formulae.

MinCat feels that the more you do a thing – and you would if your job required it – you’d automatically remember it. But I guess the people I respect are repositories of different kinds of knowledge, and a good chunk of this is memorisation.

If kids didn’t have to memorise for tests, I wonder, would anything at all stick? And if it didn’t stick, what’s the point of learning it at all?

***

All the above is moot though. Many international school teachers in India seem to have graduated from the local system and old habits die hard. Therefore, we have a fair bit of kids being asked to regurgitate some arcane information (made worse when the teacher is not a subject matter expert and doesn’t know what’s important and what’s not).

The flip side though is that there are textbooks. The information in a textbook is vetted, unlike that which a teacher might glean, with varying skill, from the internet. A textbook can make up for a bad teacher, or a child who is not great at note-taking.

In the kids’ school in Hong Kong, there was much more hands-on learning, but I found a mismatch between teaching and testing. The testing required the child to have memorised some material, but in some classes there was no material to memorise from. And I suspected the need for kids to practice, study, revise just like we did, to do well on tests would only grow as they got older.

My niece is in the California public school system and my sister’s pet peeve is that there are no textbooks, no powerpoints, no material from the teacher’s end for students to study from, but the tests require that kind of studying.

***

International school teachers in India remain smug in the belief that they have created some kind of no-stress utopia. Which is why we have two units tests a day, during a regular school day, which leaves us a couple of hours in the evening to revise if the kids sleep at a regular time.

From the school’s perspective, they should have prepared in advance, and have been revising in school. Unfortunately, the nature of tests requires revision before the test. There’s no way someone can remember that much stuff without it.

One day a week, the kids come home even later due to some extracurricular club activities, that continue through the unit tests. This made more irritating by the fact that the kids find them pointless. (“Why do we have to stay an extra hour of school for this nonsense?” Nene once asked).

When I grumbled about this, one parent’s view was that this is training for life – exams and work – when there will be bigger stressors. Is the solution to life’s future stress, though, to frontload stress?

My theory is that Indians – and East Asians – of our generation are doing so well overseas because we went through an educational system that was so harsh that everything else the workplace threw at us seemed to pale in comparison. But I don’t think that the rigours of our schooling, a schooling I excelled at even though I was bored by it, is a price worth paying.

***

I asked the school if the kids could skip the extracurricular club that evening and was turned down.

“Why couldn’t we leave?” Nene said, when they came home that evening. “It’s like prison.”

Well, schools were modelled on the military and prisons, and while some things have changed in international schools, the essentials – structured “periods” which follow each other in strict succession, teachers who hold most of, if not all, the power – remain.

My colleague in Hong Kong told me her nephew back in Singapore loved online schooling. “School is prison, man,” she said. Her nephew is in a local school in Singapore, and I told her my kids in international school didn’t feel that way.

But I realised that they did. We send kids off for seven or more hours a day to do activities not of their own choosing. We hope all this learning is fun, but is it?

It was around this time that I began to feel extremely sad about having brought two children into the world. I pay through my nose to give them the happiest possible school experience. But there’s no getting away from the fact that it’s still school, and after that there’s work, which is another eight hours of doing what you may or may not like (usually the latter) in order to earn money to just keep going. Why did I think it was a good idea to sign anyone else up for that, except for my own silliness and ego?

***

What if kids spent one third of the school year on academic knowledge of increasingly complexity, one third on practical things that they are actually very likely to use in life*, and the final third on creative stuff and physical education?

*How to stitch, cook, do simple electric, plumbing and carpentry work. Financial planning. Media literacy.

***

What if universities only accept students who have been working for three years – like MBA programmes do at the moment – so that the young people have tried a few things and figured out what they want to study further, or even if they need to?

***

I’m nowhere near opting out of this rat race though. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. So onwards.

Geek-topia

Nene: What are you doing?

Me: I’m copying quotes from this novel into my notebook.

Nene (shaking his head): Imagine being a geek when you already have a job.*

Me: Being a geek isn’t a means to an end, it’s an end in itself.

Later that night, he asked me if I had ever been bullied, and when I asked why, it turns out he’s under the impression that geeks tend to get bullied.

*Because why would one read a book if one didn’t have to for school, which one only needs to go to in order to get a job.

Expats – a grieving

I didn’t want to watch the series for a few reasons.

First, I’d read and loved the book. I didn’t feel like I needed a visualisation. Also, the plot is pretty triggering – a child is lost, and so many lives implode.

Then, there was the matter of Nicole Kidman being allowed to skip quarantine and film in Hong Kong at a time when locals were having to quarantine for two or often three weeks in a hotel at their own cost, among a host of other restrictions. She also reportedly left the city in a huff because she couldn’t handle the filming conditions.

The series has finally released, but not in Hong Kong. Apparently, there were some protest scenes. It’s not clear whether the government intervened, or Prime Video just decided to play safe, but it added insult to injury. The novel wasn’t set around the protests, so to me this seemed like just one more example of the Western inability to see in Hong Kong anything beyond being a victim of Chinese oppression.

Then the series director made a comment about Cantonese being a dying language and got roasted because, well, Cantonese is one of the top 20 most spoken languages in the world. Again, the whole thing was symptomatic of the Western saviour complex.

But the main reason I didn’t want to the watch it was because I didn’t think that I could handle a series set in Hong Kong. But then V put it on, and I couldn’t look away, although he quickly lost interest.

My first impression was irritation at the – for want of a better word – dark filter. Trying to be Wong Kar Wai much. The result was that it felt like Hong Kong, but also not. But eventually it grew on me. It was a very moody, elegiac take on the city.

It also resulted in me feeling extremely sad. It was two layers of grieving – for the missing child (and as annoying as the whole Nicole Kidman jetting into Hong Kong thing was, she can really act) and for the city itself. The WKWeseque treatment dwells on the city in the auteur’s signature painterly way, completely unsuited to my current state of mind.

While the ostensible theme – or rather the hook – of the novel is the expat life, a life that does seem to accentuate cracks in relationships, the latent one, that the series leans into, is motherhood, but particularly motherhood that is not playing out in the usual way. There’s the obvious grief of the mother who has lost her child, the woman who does not want to be a mother, the domestic helper as mothers who have left their own children to look after other people’s, the wealthy Chinese woman with the unhappy marriage whose gets no sympathy from her mother, the overly critical mother, the mother of a protester.

The elderly helper in the family, who loved the little boy so much, reminded me so much of our helper E, who we left behind. And that added to the grief too.

And then there were the protests. The series recreates the 2014 Occupy protests, which are more palatable because they were peaceful, a pure expression of idealism. Charly, a woman Hongkonger who Mercy befriends, accuses her of being a tourist in the protests, but that seemed to me what the series was doing. It took a snapshot for its purposes and left.

Also, the Western gaze was evident in Charly’s speech: you have a degree from an American university, you have an American passport, you are free. I don’t think Hongkongers, especially Hong Kong protesters in 2014, thought like that. Those protests were led by academics who were not simply enamoured of American democracy as freedom.

By the fifth episode, I understood that Wang was not making your typical wealth porn. That episode puts the helpers who undergird life in Hong Kong centre stage, to the backdrop of the aesthetics of the storm, which symbolises tumult but also a cleansing, and ties into the political drama of umbrellas raised in protest. I was initially confused by the episode, but by its end, I realised that it functions on its own, as art.

There is an outsider’s excess in some of the filmic choices – Hong Kong has so much beauty, and the director seemed to want to capture all of it. For example, there’s one scene in which a character climbs up a staircase with colourful steps (which I know are in Causeway Bay) to land up outside a building with a rainbow facade, which is across the harbour in Choi Hung. For a series that sought to capture authenticity, this cinematic splicing felt a little dishonest.

Speaking of familiar scenes, the very last segment in which Margaret/Kidman walks down some streets in Causeway Bay and then crosses a big intersection gave me such a pang as that was a route I covered every other day during lunch.

Frankly, it was just too much.